Dec. 21 is the official start of the winter season, report multiple sources who have been standing knee-deep in snow for days.
“Well, te-te-technically the solstice is the r-r-real start of w-w-winter,” reported local expert Steve Stevedore through chattering teeth. Stevedore was in the middle of shoveling snow in his front yard to gain access to the autumnal and Thanksgiving decor buried there. “G-g-gotta swap out the p-p-pumpkins for Santas and s-s-snowmen,” he said. “T-t-tis the season. A-as of December 21st.”
Locals are preparing for winter in different ways. Jim and Janice Jimison, who were actively spinning out on ice in a snowdrift, remarked that the first thing they planned to do this winter was put winter tires on. Others were looking forward to finally swapping out their wardrobes for the season: “I’ll be so glad to finally start wearing a winter coat and mittens instead of a sweater and light windbreaker,” said a violently shivering pedestrian out walking his dog. “I’ve been freezing for months.” He reported, though, that his cousin in Florida was still wearing tank tops. “It’s almost as if having a single day marking a season across multiple lines of latitude is patently silly. But I’m sure there’s a good reason.”
According to the University of Oxford historian Basil McPesto, the origins of the calendar day are obscure. “Winter used to begin in October. It was moved around 1250 AD.” The Julian Calendar marks winter from that particular day because in the thirteenth century King Julius of Orange forgot his royal cloak one morning. He remarked that it was “quite cold” and rather than point out the king’s oversight, the court astronomers changed the entire calendar.
Multiple sources said they couldn’t wait for the time of the year when the pumpkin spice lattes finally turn into whiskey. Stevedore chattered, “It’s the m-most wonderful t-t-time of the y-year.”