The Center for Bear Contentment released a statement on Monday recommending that instead of taking it to a secure centralized location or storing it in metal containers—everyone should just leave their trash strewn around their yards.
“It doesn’t matter exactly where, so long as it’s smelly and easy to access,” said CBC spokesbear Anthony Grouchi. “Don’t even think about it too much. Just throw it out the window and let us take care of it.”
The report comes after the CBC had discovered an increasing trend of bear-proof dumpsters, campers with bear resistant containers, the increased use of locking trash cans, and even the practice of campers hanging food from trees. “I can literally smell the sriracha on your roast beef sandwiches and you’re just going to hang it right out of my reach?” said local sow Ursula Arctos. “I mean c’mon people. I got cubs to feed.”
Dr. Grouchi reminds the public, “A bear’s nose is better than a bloodhound’s. Don’t put that old fish in one of those bins that you have to slip a tiny human hand into to open. Just toss it out there. We’ll come running.”
The CBC report was lauded by many in the bear community. Reacting to the report, popular bear influencer Christopher Katmai, also known as Smokey, added that he was tired of zapping his nose on electric fences. “So rude. If people would just leave everything out, unlocked and unattended, things would be so much easier for bears everywhere. Next house that zaps me, I’m taking their car doors.”
Added Mrs. Arctos, “If the fisherman just left their catch lying around, or people tossed food out of their RVs, or kept it in those flimsy little fabric houses—that would be fine with me. Just don’t get between me and my cubs or I’ll smack you all the way to the Northwest Territory. I have cousins up there too.”
Smokey left a post on scent-marking-tree-app StinkedIn that said, “Remember, only YOU can food-condition bears.”