I’m glad folks had a good time in Blaines City over the weekend. It’s great to poke fun at ourselves from time to time. However, Kyle and Lex omitted the most important part of poking fun at oneself… themselves! So in that spirit, I recommend another act for their show…

A hysterical woman walks into the Blaines City News and is greeted by Collen Keaton and Tex Leinart. She’s hysterical because she’s discovered that the sky is falling… literally. After months of digging, she’s confirmed that top government officials covered up proof that the atmosphere is imploding and the sky will fall within a decade.

The reporters listen intently. When she’s finished speaking, Collen asks if she’s ever tried talking to the sky. He offers to provide a public forum were the woman and the sky can hash things out. Spectators will be provided with tomatoes to throw at the loser of the conversation. Meanwhile, Tex furiously takes notes. He says he’ll get back to her when the story is finished. One week later, Tex informs the woman that the Blaines City News no longer prints papers (because who even does that anymore?) and she can see the piece performed live at the B Bar as part of a 12-act rock opera.

You might also consider a character who owns a van plastered with stickers advocating for every watershed in the country except for the Blilkat. Because you know, it’s not exactly fun to stick your neck out in Blaines.

Stacie Evans