A herring on a background of herring with the caption "Fake news from a real town"
Fake news from a real town

A recent stretch of sunny, warm weather has successfully resolved all of the local political issues.

“It’s really amazing,” said mayor Tom Thompson, “ A little sunshine accomplished what decades of political wrangling could not.” Residents were out on the streets and beaches, some in shorts and T-shirts for the first time in months. 

“We had the most pleasant borough assembly meeting I think I’ve ever been to in fifty years here,” said resident Bob Bobberts. “The sun was still out and everyone was smiling and greeting each other warmly. I didn’t even fight with Karen this week.”

Members of the public had attended the meeting to protest Ordinance 43-1-$$-:) which would govern the financial use of funds in money-related resources. “I came out to really give them a piece of my mind,” said Bobberts. “Instead I brought them all a piece of apple pie the missus made.” The ordinance had stirred up controversy until just this week. “I realized that it wasn’t such a big deal,” said Sherry Sherrington, “I don’t know what I got all worked up about in the first place.”

“I really thought she hated my guts,” added Mayor Thompson. “But then I realized that she was probably severely Vitamin D deficient.”

“Such a great day to be out and about,” said longtime resident Karen Karemerook. “And when I commented on the record-breaking temperatures, Bob said, ‘Wasn’t global warming great?’ and I would’ve normally gone for the throat like always but something about the pleasant sunshine and flitting hummingbirds made me realize that conflating national hot-button rhetoric with my own personal relationships leads to polarization and toxic discourse at the local level. And it would’ve been a shame to argue on such a nice day.”

The assembly unanimously passed all ordinances, including a spontaneous decision to declare April to be Puppies and Wildflowers Awareness Month.

Many residents were even seen peeling bumper stickers off their cars. “That one’s just a bit on the nose,” said Jimmy Jimbeam as he peeled a sticker off his truck that read “!*%! bleep  ____ *unprintable*”.

NOAA is forecasting rain for the next week.